


An Awful Lot of Breathing Room but I Can Hardly Move

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Starting Over [31]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Family, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-17
Updated: 2012-11-17
Packaged: 2017-11-18 21:41:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/565593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I don’t want you to ever look back on your time with me, with us, and think of what you weren't able to do.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Awful Lot of Breathing Room but I Can Hardly Move

**Author's Note:**

> Having Beth leave is hard on me as a shipper and fangirl but I'm going to keep going because she and Hotch aren’t breaking up. There’s the potential for such cuteness; I want to see what I can do with that. The title is from the Matchbox Twenty song If You're Gone.

“Are you alright with that, Jack Jack?” Beth walked back into the condo and saw Jack with the box.

“I'm alright.”

“Well Dad’s outside so he’ll make sure you get it in the car.”

“OK.”

Beth grabbed the box of dishes out of the kitchen. Today was moving day. She wasn’t taking everything she owned since for the moment she was subletting in Brooklyn. Her friend Lisa, who was going through a divorce, would be subletting from her in DC. 

She stopped for a moment, looking around. Many of the pictures were off the walls. Her couch was still there but her favorite chair and side table were on the road. All the books she loved to surround herself with were boxed and being packed into the Suburban. Beth was leaving. 

She never minded leaving before. She actually loved traveling and had lived a few places in her adult life. But Beth had been in the DC area for a long time. The friends she loved the most were here. 

The man she loved the most was here. There was a sense of adventure and dread in her belly at the same time that made her feel nauseous. Just when she was starting to think she was about to settle for something good, life threw a big opportunity in her path and dared her not to take it. For a moment she thought she might not.

“Can I grab this bag?” Jack said, bringing Beth out of her thoughts.

“Yes.”

“I’ll take this box.” Hotch came and put his hands on the box she was holding.

“No, there's a few left upstairs. Go, I’ll go out with Jack.”

Hotch smiled, leaning in to kiss her. She put the box down and caressed his face. Damn, how was she going to leave this bliss? Of course it was just luck that he was here with her right now and not off somewhere catching Unsubs. 

The truth was that even in this amazing relationship Beth was alone a lot. Aaron was just a phone call away and that wasn’t going to change just because her address did. He’d said it. He was the one who said the distance wasn’t going to change anything. Maybe if she kept saying it Beth would believe it too.

“Go.” She put a gentle hand on his chest as they pulled out of the kiss. The box in her hands, Beth made her way to the car with it. There wasn’t much left and soon home would be in the rearview mirror.

“You can just stay.” Jack said to her as she put the dishes in the backseat. “I don’t want you to go.”

“New York isn’t very far and I promise we’re still going to see each other. Plus we can talk on the computer just like you do with Agent Emily.”

“It’s not the same.”

“No, its not.” Beth shook her head. “But I promise we’re going to do it anyway.”

“Will you miss me?” Jack asked.

“I'm going to miss you more than anything.”

“But if you leave then you and Dad can't get married. You're not going to be together anymore.”

“Dad and I will still be together. We’ll just be living in different cities for a little while.” Beth said.

“If you like it in New York more you're going to stay forever. We have to stay here where my Dad works.”

“I'm not sure what's going to happen in the future Jack. This is one of those complicated grownup things we were talking about before. I love you guys so much and I'm not going to give you up. We’ll all just have to do a little traveling for a while and see where we end up.”

“I am excited about taking the train.” Jack managed a smile.

“I bet you are. This will be different but it’s going to be good.”

“Promise?”

“I cross my heart.” Beth made an X across her heart. “Wanna go and check over the house one last time?”

“OK.” Jack ran ahead of her, nearly mowing down his father as he came out of the house carrying two boxes. “Sorry Dad!”

“Its OK, I have it all under control.”

“You alright, Superman?” Beth asked smiling.

“I am not Superman. He definitely would've had this SUV packed up faster than I could ever dream.”

“How much is left?”

“Just a random box or two.” He replied. “I'm sure Jack is in there grabbing something now. Oh, and don’t forget to empty your nightstand drawer. I left the toiletry case on the bed for you.”

“Do you know what's in that drawer?” Beth asked.

“I absolutely do not.” Hotch shook his head.

“You're lying to me.”

“I totally understand that sometimes, when a woman is alone and passions arise…”

“Oh my God, Aaron,” Beth covered her ears. “Shut up!”

As she ran into the house she could still hear him laughing. In the living room Jack had two plastic bags. He was heading to the front door while Beth went upstairs. She sat down on the bed and opened the nightstand drawer. Her condoms were in there, as were her three vibrators. Though she usually only used one Beth packed all three. 

Shakespeare Sonnets, her writing journal, her father’s gold pocket watch, and the small box of notes that Hotch left her every time he stayed with her or came over. Putting them in the case, Beth closed it and stood up from the bed. It was time to go. She would be back; this was far from goodbye. So she took a deep breath, turned out the light, and headed downstairs. 

It was a four hour trip to New York and she was sure the traffic would be ridiculous. Downstairs Beth double checked and didn’t see anything else she needed to put in the car. If there was something she forgot, she was coming back in two weeks to spend some quality time with Jack and her friends.

“We’re ready.” She said coming out the front door. Beth turned and locked up the house. Lisa wouldn’t be coming until next weekend.

“Are you sure?” Hotch asked. Jack was already in the backseat of the car. The window was half open and he was looking at her.

“Yes. Let’s get on the road.”

She ran down and climbed into the driver’s seat as Hotch got in on the passenger side. She smiled when he handed her the keys.

“Why aren’t you driving Dad?” Jack asked as Beth started the engine. 

She fiddled around with the satellite radio, settling on the 80s station. The Eurythmics was the perfect band for the start of their road trip. Beth brought the music into the front seat and out of Jack’s ears.

“In New York Beth isn’t going to be able to drive around very much. I thought this would be good for her so she can have fond memories behind the wheel.”

“Will you take cabs like they do on TV?” Jack asked.

“Sometimes I will. I'm also going to take the train. New York is a big city and there are lots of trains there. When you come to visit me I’ll show you everything. It’s going to be a big adventure.”

Jack smiled and relaxed in his seat. Hotch was a little worried that the long ride was going to be difficult for his son. Jack didn’t like sitting still for very long. So his father packed his portable DVD player, a few of his favorite movies, and his earphones. Jack had _A Pup Named Scooby Doo_ , _Robin Hood_ , and _Speed Racer_. He would leave the adults to what they did while he enjoyed his movies.

“He doesn’t want me to go.” Beth said. She kept her voice low. Earphones didn’t make Jack deaf.

“I know. It’s not easy for him but I’ll make sure that he’s OK and understands. You're not leaving his life…you're not leaving mine.”

“Long distance can't last forever.”

“Believe me, I know.” Hotch nodded.

“I love you, Aaron.”

“I love you too.”

“OK.”

“I'm letting you go because I love you. I've tried to hold on too tight before and it didn’t work. I don’t want you to ever look back on your time with me, with us, and think of what you weren't able to do. You want this job.”

“I want this relationship too.” Beth replied.

“And we’re going to have both.”

“Why are you so sure?”

“I know my history; I know it well.” Hotch said. “I'm not doomed to repeat it. I promise. Now stop worrying about me and think about all the amazing things to come. 

“Think about rushing for a cab in the early morning light or a great bodega on your block in Brooklyn. Think about the first rainy night you walk Nelle. Think about the sounds, the smells, the people, the artwork, and all the amazing things that will be waiting for you everyday when you open your eyes. No matter what city I'm in or you're in, we’re still thinking about each other. I don’t think anything could stop that. So this isn’t a negative, it’s a positive.”

“This job is amazing.” She said.

“I know.” He nodded. “And you're going to be wonderful at it.”

Beth smiled. She blew out a sigh and thought good thoughts. She loved New York City; there were good things waiting for her there. And her first memories in the Big Apple would be with her two favorite guys. Hotch and Jack were going to stay the night in the new apartment and drive back to Alexandria on Sunday afternoon. Beth had her camera ready. She would take a bunch of pictures, plaster them around, and never be able to forget their faces.

“Tell me something that’ll make you happy.” Hotch said.

“Thanksgiving in New York; Christmas in DC.” Beth replied. “Being able to stay with you guys when I visit will make me very happy.”

“You won't even have to sleep in a fort on a floor.” He smiled.

“I'm going to miss that. Maybe the first weekend we’ll do the fort.”

“Maybe just you and I will do the fort.”

“You're being a bad boy, Aaron Hotchner. I love it!”

Hotch rubbed her shoulder. He felt Beth relax under his touch. Then he looked back and saw Jack happy in his seat. The dog was sound asleep in her cage next to him. It seemed strange that Beth was leaving him and he felt good about it. 

That surely didn’t mean that letting her go would be easy. It would be agonizing. But if they could do this then they could do anything. Taking the next step had been on Hotch’s mind a lot lately. This was the next step and there were more to come. In the end it was all going to bring them closer together. Then there would only be one more step left to take.

***


End file.
